well let's see, what all has happened?
well obviously, jamie and I broke up, and I've gone through 3 more boyfriends since then
I've moved out from my parent's apartment, I've found that I love alcohol and cigarettes
my parents now know that I smoke

I'm trying to get closer to my brother
I've found another guy that I first met four years ago and now have a HUGE thing for.
I've made some really awesome new best friends
amanda, alesha, louis and jami.
of course kendra is still around hanging out and being a best friend
and marc, the best friend I have and my brother from another mother, who I am living with, has now gotten signed with his band A Divine Collision.

he's going on tour next month.

I'm sick right now, but chowing down vitamin c like I'm addicted.

I've fallen in love with the band Rides Again

Venom Drive is finally starting to look good:) we will hopefully have a (good) drummer soon. and then we can finally record some shit.


everything's looking pretty fucking good atm:)

Tags: alesha, amanda, jami, kendra, louis, marc
Current Location: tasha's den
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: apology - rides again

4 months of my life for nothing
I'm done with jamie
cause he's fucked me around waaay too much
and I'm sick of it.
his friend even said it was stupid
and told me to break up with him
I love nik for it.

I've decided to move on and not let it hurt me too much
cause hey. I'm young, I'm sexy, I can get another man, hopefully one who treats me right.

Current Mood: infuriated

it's been a rough couple of days. I've finally just broken down. Before, my dad was always picking on me cause my brother was gone so he didn't have his primary target anymore, I became his new one. I learned to let his insults and what not just roll off my back, but now he's gotten a new needle.

since jamie went home, I've been pretty vulnerable to his insults but I've been keeping up my facade and pretending that it's all just fine and dandy, instead of getting upset in his face, I go to my room and turn on the music, or go into the shower and let the hot water soothe my anger, but the last few days it's been really tough, like, an air raid of insults at me. He can tell that it hurts me so he keeps it up.

today I couldn't believe it, it's my mom's birthday and he gets pissed at me about everything, when I'm in the middle of something he starts yelling at me to do something that he can do, like going to the store right downstairs. He got mad cause I have no clue how to make a cake, or where the things are to make one. The best thing he told me today however was "you know, you and Jamie aren't gonna last, I can guarantee that soon you two will be over and done with, probably he'll see how fat you got and move on to someone else. So just let it go already, stop being so depressing."

later on he asked me if I was over it yet. I couldn't believe it. I swear, I hate that man so much, and it's all because he can't fucking talk to a person.

Current Location: dad's office
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: run - snow patrol

okay so.....I've never been good at long bulliten entries and my grammar's always horrible. but yes. I suppose I should explain what's been going on in my life correct?

well I met Jamie, the love of my life. I've gotten closer with Beth, my bestest best friend. and I've gotten kicked out twice. I've lost weight immensely, got a hair cut, gained self confidence, and made/lost friends.

So, I'll describe everything that's going on. Jamie, I'm pretty sure in a previous journal entry I mentioned him, but never went in depth. He's my sweetheart, I'm never whole when I'm without him. He's the kind of boy that makes my heart pound and makes me laugh at the ssame time. I feel comfortable around him and I never ever want to lose him. Over the course of a little over 1 and a half months, we've become best friends and boyfriend/girlfriend. I feel like I can tell him almost anything. [other things are told to beth. lol]He's my everything and he knows it. Unfortunately he's going back to england. I have to be without him for a few months before he moves here. until then I'm not going to be as happy as I am now. Since I've been with him, I've just been..... bouncier, and just plain happier. When I think about him going back I get real down. sometimes I start to cry. but I'll talk to him and he'll make me feel better.


Bethy boo, she's my best friend that I've ever had. When I'm down, she can pick me right up. When no one else is there, she's able to pick up the pieces. I can tell her absolutely everything and not be scared of what she'll think. We can do THE nastiest things around each other and just laugh about them. I get really sad when she gets sad, but I try and make her feel better. I hate when she's down, I love the happy smiling boo. I can't really describe her, but she's beautiful, inside and out, and I want her to know that. She makes me smile at the thought of her. She will randomly do my makeup if I ask, which makes me giggle. She'll bounce on a massive purple pilaties ball and laugh really funny. and I can never keep a straight face around her. She's my best friend, and she'll never stop being so. We had our fall out, but whatever, we came back together stronger than ever. I love her to pieces!

my dumbass father decided to kick me out for two stupid reasons. not calling even thought I had told him where I was the night before. and um... I don't even know the other reason. I think it was cause I wanted to go out. he's fat and retarded.

everything else is self explanitory.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: nothing

Iève gotten into a major bitch fest with my dad. ugggggggh

obviously annoying as hell.

so I need a job. really really badly. so I can get out of the shithole that revolves around him and his fat ass.

I need some helpfrom friends right now so I can manage to stay out of the house for a while. cause I hate my dad. immensely.

Current Location: andrijs place
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: sounds of ahumming computer.

ugh, I'm sooooo fucking worried right now. my friend is in the hospital. I don't really know what's going on, but I'm freaking out. I miss her like crazy and I'm so worried. I don't think I couold manage to lose her, she's my best friend. The only person I can tell absolutely EVERYTHING without being scared that she'll be like "you're stupid" and decide to leave me. She's such a sweetheart it's amazing, and I can't picture not having her in my life.

The only thing cheering me up at the moment, is the fact that my baby's in town and that we're going to see the simpsons movie today. I can't wait cause i know I'm gonna be able to not worry about things and relax cause I'm with Jamie, but I know that once I'm home again, I'm gonna be worrying all over again and stressing out over my friend.

What really makes me sad is that me, her, Jamie, her brother, and Alex were supposed to go to the upcoming Kill Hannah show, but due to the condition she's in, I doubt that that's gonna happen. Right now all i can do is hope that she's gonna be okay and that everything works out well in the end.

On another note, I'm so pissed with not getting a job. it's annoying, and I just want people to be like "yeah sure you can work here. how about starting now!?" which would be so much easier, but never gonna happen.

oh yeah, and the BEST thing that has happened to me ever, is going on right now. XD

Current Location: home
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: nothing

okay, so for a while before, I felt like things were just falling apart. I felt depressed and shit. then all of a sudden I get introduced to this AMAZING boy, and I totally fall for him. he asks me to be his. I say yes. Then it turns out, I'm going to see kill hannah again at the molson amphitheater with Beth, and Jamie♥. possibly beth's brother.

So Jamie is coming for a visit on thursday, woot, and he's staying for 6 weeks or something. I can't wait. Then on august 12th, it's kill hannah. I'm getting call backs from jobs, which'll mean money finally, and then I wont have to deal with my idiot parents saying "you need to contribute to the family" "get out and get a job" "you're pretty much useless around here"

I've been losing weight. like wtf? it's getting a bit annoying, I mean yay for losing weight, but like... I can't fucking fit in my clothes anymore. it's annoying. but mehhh. I must say, I'm doing pretty well for myself thus far, from a certain issue I had last year. my panic attacks are few and far between which is good.

I've been singing alot more frequently now! I'm so glad, I sort of...stopped for a little while. except for my joke singing. I'm actually recording a cover of "that's the way" by led zepplin, which is one of my favourite songs.

but yes, no fucking drama drama to report as of yet, but knowing oakville kids, there will be some dropped on me soon enough. meh. I'm happy now.



much love kiddos.
xsick-girl__

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: from first to last